There are days where I think that I’m being incredibly negative. Like, someone will say to me, “Hey, how are you doing?” and my usual go-to response is, “Oh y’know, I’m here.” and I fear that it sometimes comes off a bit negative, but I really just mean it as a neutral statement. I’m neither good or bad. Or I’m just too tired at the moment to assess if I’m having a good day yet, and nothing that could have changed the day to be bad a bad one has come along.
I knew this girl who thought she was incredibly positive when everything that came out of her mouth sounded as if it was negative. “How was your Christmas break?” “It was okay.” “How was your weekend?” “Meh.” and then a barrage about all of the crappy things in her life. Yet, she thought that she was incredibly positive, and I have this worry and fear that I sound like her. Please don’t mistake me for thinking that she’s a bad person, she most certainly is not, she would do almost anything for you, it was just that she complained so much that I felt like I had to distance myself. Her negativity was affecting me, and my everyday life when I’d see her.
I try to be this incredibly happy and positive person, I want to see the brighter side of things, I want to see the good in people (though sometimes humanity, you’re a huge disappointment, let’s be real.) When one door closes, I want to believe that another one will open for me, when something that hurts me comes along that I will become better and stronger. When things get hard, I want to believe that they will get easier, or that I will slowly become better equipped to deal with them because I’ve gotten stronger. I want to believe that as I go through life that better things are yet to come my way. I want to keep growing, I want to keep getting better, I want to have a wonderful life.
A friend and former co-worker left me a thank you note that nearly left me in tears before my shift on the day of her last shift. She had known about some of the tough stuff that I had been going through, and we talked a lot about the stuff going on in her life too. In the note she wrote, “I’ve always admired how positive you are, you always managed to put a smile on my face. I really admire your drive and dedication to get what you want, so please don’t ever lose that!” and it struck me that people actually think that I’m a positive person and that I work hard to be happy and positive despite my obstacles. It makes me feel relieved that I don’t come off as this super negative person, that I project this personality of happiness and “go get ’em”.
I know that I can’t be this super bubbly and positive person all of the time, I know that I have times where the bit of negativity that seeps in consumes me for a small part of time. I let it come, I let myself feel that negative and get it out, but I don’t let it completely consume me, because I refuse to be a negative person. I’ve had things that knocked me down and knocked me out for a bit, but I’m here, I’m ready to see what’s next. I have faith and I have hope in my negativity butt kicking kit and I’m not going to let anything bring me down. I’m going to be unrelentingly positive no matter what because I want to have a happy wonderful life, and I’m going to get it!