“May I never forget. On my best day, I still need God as desperately as I did on my worst day.”
Life has been really good lately. I’ve been flat out busy this past week, the last few nights I felt like face planting out of pure exhaustion, but I’m incredibly happy. Life was a little rough about a month and a half ago, my boyfriend and I had broken up, and you know what? Break ups kind of suck.You emotionally invest in someone, you see them in your future for the long haul, and then things change. They can’t and won’t put any time and effort into you or the relationship, or let you get to know the actual person they are out of fear that you won’t love them anymore. Or, you still have some things to learn, things to change, places to grow. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks.
Either way, those bad days, the ones that feel like they’re the worst, are the days that you know you need God. And I knew that in those bad days for sure, it’s how I started to feel better. The knowing I needed God days were setting the tone for my ones now, the really, really good ones. That right now, even though I feel exhausted, happy that I finally have a “day off” (which isn’t really, because as soon as I’m done this post, I’m going to be photo editing my life away,) that I’m having really good days, and I still need God. The mood for my good days are set in thanking Him. When my day starts to feel a little off, I sit and think for a moment and try and remember if I started it off with thankfulness, and then I realize I had forgotten. Then I thank Him, because all that I have, all that I am is because of Him.
My joy and happiness comes from knowing that my value as a person and as a woman doesn’t come from the approval of a man. There is no way that I’m going to let my value be set by anyone but the One who created me. My practice of self love hasn’t been set by the approval of men since I was an early teen, in fact, it started when I was at one of my absolute favourite places in the world. I was a camper at Youth Camp at Camp Evangeline, and everyday there was a different bible verse that we had to try and remember in order to win our team points. This one year in particular, one of the verses took hold in a way that helped me start believing that I actually had high value.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
– Psalms 139:14
As a child I grew up knowing that everything in the world was made by God. The flowers that I thought were beautiful, all animals, large and small, and especially people. Knowing that God created everything and everyone beautifully was something that I knew and believed, but somewhere along the way, I forgot to include myself into that mix. This verse is a constant reminder that I was made fearfully and wonderfully, that it wasn’t a man who stitched me in my mother’s womb, but a God who loves me.
So for me, knowing that in my darkest times, that the God who made me, loves me and stands with me, is holding me up when I am weak, is a great feeling. But knowing in my brightest times that He is still there, standing with me, holding me up, cheering for me, and giving me the courage to live boldly is just as amazing. It’s something that I always need to remember, that in good times and bad, I can’t do this life thing on my own. That my strength and courage isn’t from me on my own, that it’s a constant gift that has me walking tall and joyfully. I am thankful for that gift.